Kakashi's Hot Topics
by HelloLovelyIHateYou
Summary: Kakashi and Anko team up to host a game show. Results? Hilarity and nonsense. Rated T for language and slight inappropriateness.
1. The Great Beginning

**Alright, guys. Hope you enjoy it!**

**WARNING! This show may blow your mind!**

...

Anko: Heads up, maggots! Today is the first episode of Kakashi's Hot Topics! I'm Anko, the co-host. Now presenting the host… er, where _is_ Kakashi, anyway?

Sasuke: He's late. Again.

Anko: -sigh- Oh well, we'll just have to-

Kakashi: Yo. Sorry I'm late, I just had to-

Anko: KAKASHI YOU REALLY HAVE SOME NERV YOU KNOW THAT!! I OUGHTA POP A SNAKE THROUGH YOUR ASS AND GIVE YOU AN EXCUSE TO BE LATE!!!

Kakashi: -sweatdrop- Take it easy, Anko. You make it sound like sexual harassment.

Anko: -steamed-

Sasuke: -twitch-

Kakashi: -clears throat- Anyway, for our first show, the topic of discussion is going to be-

Naruto: HEY EVERYBODY!!!

Kakashi: Naruto!

Audience: Naruto? -pulls out rotten tomatoes-

Kakashi: -holds up hands defensively- No, no, that's not what I-

Naruto: Heyheyhey guess WHAT Kakashi-sensei! Pervy-sage taught me a new jutsu!

Jairya: -runs onto stage and grabs Naruto in headlock- DON'T CALL ME PERVY-SAGE!

Narto: -turns purple-

Kakashi: -twitches- Uh, anyway, the topic of discussion is-

Sakura: Kakashi-sensei, have you seen- oh, there he is. NARUTO I'M GOING TO WHACK YOU SO HARD!

Kakashi: -sweatdrops- ~Note to self: Do _not_ make Sakura mad.~

Anko: HEADS UP YOU MAGGOTS!!!

Everyone: -stops and looks at Anko-

Anko: If you all don't get off the stage and into your respective seats I will personally strangle you.

Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Jairya: -leave-

Kakashi: -clears throat- As I was saying, the topic of discussion is-

Owner person: Times up! Show's over, Hatake, move it.

Kakashi & Anko: -sweatdrop-

Anko: Tune in next time!

**-End Show-**


	2. Why Don't You Do Your Job Right, Hatake?

**Yes, yes. I'm moving right along, aren't I? Well, second 'episode' is here.**

**WARNING! This show may blow your mind!**

**...**

Anko: Hey, everybody, it's Kakashi's Hot Topics! I'm your co-host, Anko!

Kakashi: And I'm your host, Kakashi.

Anko: Wow, he's on time for once. Be amazed.

Sakura: He's not on time. I told him to meet us here an hour ago.

Anko: -shrugs- Whatever. He's here.

Kakashi: ...Anyway, on this episode of KHT, we will take questions that the audience asks us and answer them- to the best of our ability, that is. Let the Hot Topics poor forth!

Audience Member 1: Why do you wear a mask?

Kakashi: -sigh- Why must everyone ask me this question...?

Anko: Maybe because you never give a straight answer...

Kakashi: -sidelong glance- I wear a mask because they're comfortable and I believe everyone will be wearing them in the future. Moving on.

AM2: What's your favorite Motion City Soundtrack song?

Kakashi: Make-Out Kids.

Anko: Naturally.

Kakashi: Well, what's yours?

Anko: Mine's L. G. Fuad.

Kakashi: Naturally.

Anko: Shut up, Copy Ninja.

Kakashi: Yes, Anko.

AM3: How do you catch a Ooboo?

Kakashi: What in the name of- What's an Ooboo?

Anko: -reading- A northeastern monster that preys on unsuspecting people. Believed to live in packs. Suspected to be only one left.

Kakashi: Oh, then that's easy. YOU DON'T. Moving on.

AM3 (again): Are you a coward?

Kakashi: No, and you're fat. Next question.

AM4: Kakashi, how come you don't do your job right?

Kakashi: …

Anko: An excellent question, actually...

Kakashi: -sweatdrop- That's all the time we have for today, folks! Tune in next time!

Everyone: BYE!

**---END SHOW---**


	3. But My Mask!

**Well, look at me. I'm just awesometastic, aren't I? Third episode up!**

**WARNING! This show may blow your mind!**

**...**

Anko: Hey, it's Kakashi's Hot Topics! I'm your co-host, Anko!

Kakashi: And I'm your host Kakashi… blah… yeah go ahead Anko.

Anko: -twitch- Kakashi…

Kakashi: Hm?

Anko: Put that book down.

Kakashi: Why?

Anko: Because it's rude to-

Kakashi: -humming and ignoring Anko-

Anko: -twitches and clenches fist- Kakashi!!!!

Kakashi: -jumps-

Anko: -storms over, shoving face in his- KAKASHI HATAKE I OUGHTA- oooph! -trips-

Kakashi: -catches her-

-they stare into each other's eyes-

Audience: -holds breath-

Anko: Kakashi…

Kakashi: Anko…

Kakashi: Are you alright?

Everyone else: -exaggerated sigh and sweatdrop-

Kakashi: What?

Anko: Nothing. -jerks away from him- You didn't have to catch me. I'm perfectly capable of-

Kakashi: -skeptically- Of what? Falling to the ground and making a fool of yourself?

Anko: Well, you just made matters worse by catching me!

Kakashi: …

Audience: -holds breath… again-

Kakashi: So you'd rather me have let you fall?

Anko: Yes!

Kakashi: But then you would have yelled at me for being ungentlemanly and that would have been worse.

Anko: -angry sign and fist clench-

Kakashi: ~Oh no…~

Anko: -storms off the stage-

Audience: BOO! Stupid! YOU SHOULDA KISSED HER! Boo!

Kakashi: -sweatdrop- Hey, hey! Hang on, if I'd done that I would have had to take my mask off!

Audience: -big sweatdrop-

Kakashi: Hehe, well, that's all the time we have for today, folks. Bye now! -escapes-

_After show…_

Anko: -fuming in a corner behind some boxes-

Kakashi: Anko? Uh, Anko? Are you anywhere nearby? And if you are say something so I know if you're behind me and so I can duck.

Anko: -stiffles a laugh-

Kakashi: Aha, so you are in here! Now, where are you? -steps into room and looks around-

Anko: -scrunches into small ball-

Kakashi: -threateningly- Don't make me bring out the Sharingan!

Anko: -gulps quietly-

Kakashi: Aaaaaaannnkooooo wheeeeeerreee aaaaaarrre yooooooouuuu????? -peeks behind some boxes-

Anko: -scrunches smaller-

Kakashi: -walks past her-

Anko: -almost relaxes-

Kakashi: Oh? What's behind these boxes? -walks backwards-

Anko: ~Damn him and his toying with me!~

Kakashi: -scratches head- Hey, are you Anko? From Kakashi's Hot Topics? -taps head- Psh, this is weird.

Anko: -glares-

Kakashi: So what have you been doing with your life? You still have anger problems?

Anko: -gets angry sign-

Kakashi: ~This is probably not the best idea…~ I guess so… wow, I haven't seen you in so long! It's just… wow.

Anko: -closes eyes and clenches fist- Hatake…

Kakashi: Yes?

Anko: -stands, eyes still closed and, yes, fist still clenched, and says calmly- I'm gonna give you a bruise so big it will blot out the sun.

Kakashi: ~To her credit, she's really calm about hurting me…~ Why would you do that?

Anko: -surprised- Uh…

Kakashi: -attacks his chance- Yeah, I have a… uh, present for you!

Anko: -confused- Wha…?

Kakashi: Watch. -pulls mask down-

Anko: -faints-

Kakashi: Whew. -tiptoes away-

**-End show-**


	4. Akatsuki On The Scene

**You guys love me, don't you?**

**Then prepare to hate me: this only contains OCs because I owed my friend Leah a story. I settled with a chapter. I hope you enjoy despite of the different characters.**

**WARNING! This show may blow your mind!**

**...**

Kakashi: Hi everyone, I'm Kakashi Hatake, host of Kakashi's Hot Topics.

Sakura: OH MY GOD HE'S ACTUALLY ON TIME!

Kage: SHUT UP SAKURA!

Kakashi: … We have two new guests, Chitsuki Kurenaikaze Kage and Kage no Miamay.

Kage: Will you _not_ say my name backwards? It confuses me to no end!

Miamay: Kage, leave Uncle alone.

Kage: Be that as it may…

Miamay: You do know I can beat you, right?

Kage: Touche'…

Kakashi: If you two are quite through, can we get on with the show?

Miamay: Sorry, Uncle.

Kakashi: No prob. Now, Anko, if you please?

Anko: We're going to blindfold these two and do voice recordings of men they know. Whoever they guess correctly is their soul mate.

Audience: What's the point of this exactly?

Miamay: Kage wants a boyfriend.

Kage: DO NOT!

Miamay: Do too.

Audience: -understanding- Oh.

Miamay: … Actually, I have no idea what the point is. Uncle?

Kakashi: Erm… yes, well. -clears throat- I don't know the point either. Anko?

Anko: Got me… _you're_ the host.

Kage: Who cares what the point is? It's a game show. Get over it.

Miamay: She has a point.

Kakashi: She does…

Anko: This is true…

Kage: -angry sign- GET ON WITH IT!

Anko: Right. Blindfolds!

Miamay: I don't have to do this, right?

Anko: You do.

Miamay: Damn.

Kakashi: -shocked- Language, Miamay!

Miamay: -looks at him-

Kakashi: Er… on with the show!

Anko: -blindfolds the two- Okay, now! Voice recording of…

Random Voice Recording: Hi, Hinata-chan!

Miamay: Er… Kiba?

Anko: No.

Kage: -is bored- Konohamaru.

Kakashi: No.

Miamay: Moving on.

RVR: If you get in my way, I'll have to kill you.

Miamay: -raises hand-

Kakashi: Yes?

Miamay: What if we know a lot of the persons?

Kakashi: Er…

Anko: Just… I dunno… say their names.

Kage: This is pointless. And it's Gaara.

Miamay: Yeah, it's kinda obvious.

RVR: AFTER THEM!

Miamay: Oh, wow. Um… I really don't know.

Kage: Itachi?

Anko: Nope!

Miamay: -mystified- Who is it?

Anko: Kankuro.

Kage: DAMMIT THAT WAS MY SECOND GUESS!

Anko: Er… moving on.

RVR: I'm going to destroy a certain someone.

Kage: OH OH OH OH!!! IT'S SASUKE!

Miamay: What… the heck, Kage?

Anko: That's correct! -mutters to Kakashi- I think we found _her_ match.

Kakashi: I know, right?

RVR: You're too late.

Miamay: It's Leader-s… ah, Pein.

Kakashi: Leader?

Miamay: I meant… er… nothing.

Kakashi: -suspicious- Anyway, moving swiftly onward.

RVR: Art is meant to last.

Kage: OH MY JASHIN IT'S SASORI!

Anko: On second thought…

Kakashi: I know what you mean.

RVR: Foolish little brother.

Both: ITACHI!!!!

Kakashi: -sweatdrop-

Anko: Correct…

RVR: Everybody has a Kami.

Miamay: HIDAN!!!! IT'S HIDAN!!!! -squeals-

Kakashi: Wow…

Anko: Ooookay…

Miamay: -rips off blindfold and screams- OHMYJASHIN IT _IS_ HIDAN!!!

Kage: Jeez, Mia, calm down.

Kakashi: That's all for today, folks!

Miamay: WHERE IS HE?

Kage: You see him every day, Mia. Calm down. What if he's watching this show?

---THE AKATSUKI LAIR---

Hidan: Wow. That's fucking sweet.

Kakuzu: What?

Hidan: Miamay fucking loves me.

Kakuzu: -mutters- Fucking bastard gets all the girls.

Hidan: But you get the guys, Kuzu-chan. You get the guys.

Kakuzu: Asshole.

---THE SHOW---

Miamay: -calms down- He's watching? -turns and waves- HI HIDAN! HI KAKUZU!

Kage: Hi Saso-kun.

Miamay: Hi Zetsu, Deidara, Kisame, Itachi, Konan, Pein, and Tobi!

---LAIR---

Tobi: MIA-CHAN REMEMBERED TOBI!

Konan: That was thoughtful of them.

Zetsu: _Yes, it was very nice._ **She mentioned us first!**

Hidan: Fuckers, she mentioned me first!

Kakuzu: Who cares?

Sasori: Everyone knows you like Miamay, Kakuzu.

Kakuzu: -grumble-

Pein: She mentioned me next to last…

Konan: It's okay, Pein.

Deidara: She actually mentioned me, un! Danna, she _mentioned_ me!

Sasori: Good God, does _everyone_ have a crush on that girl?

Zetsu: _She's easy to like._ **Very thoughtful to everyone. I wouldn't dream of eating her.** _Oh, no. Never Mia-chan._

Kisame: -grumble- We'll just let _her_ choose when she gets back. Can we finish watching now?

Hidan: It's obvious she'll choose me, seriously.

Kakuzu: Shut up, damn it!

Hidan: Jeez.

---SHOW---

Kakashi: Well, that's the end of the show.

Anko: Tune in next time, when Kakashi eats roaches!

Kakashi: Yes, that's- I do _what?_

Anko: Just seeing if you were paying attention. -grins-

Kakashi: -sighs- Troublesome woman.

**-End show-**


	5. All Anko's Fault

**I actually feel sorry for Kakashi in this one... blame Anko.**

**Anko: Hey!**

WARNING! This show may blow your mind!

**...**

Kakashi: Hey, everyone, and welcome back to Kakashi's Hot Topics! I'm your host, Kakashi,

Anko: And I'm your co-host, Anko Miturashi.

Kakashi: Uhh... Why'd you say your last name, exactly?

Anko: -shrugs- Someone asked, so I figured I'd get it out there.

Kakashi: I... see... Anyway, what's on the agenda for today, Anko?

Anko: Well, it appears we... what the hell?

Kakashi: What?

Anko: Uh... nothing.

Kakashi: Let me see.

Anko: No. It's nothing.

Kakashi: That's your 'nothing even though it's something' voice. What is it?

Anko: It's... er... well, nothing much, just the agenda.

Kakashi: -patiently- And what's on the agenda?

Anko: Weeell...

Kakashi: -waits-

Anko: -sighs and shows him-

Kakashi: What in Kami's name?!?!

Anko: -shrugs- Told you.

Kakashi: I'm not doing this!

Director person: You have to, or you don't get paid.

Kakashi: Whaaaaaaaat???

Anko: This is going to be ridiculous...

Audience: WHAT IS IT???

Anko: He has to wear a hula skirt and coconuts, and eat live cockroaches.

Kakashi: -mournful- You said you were just kidding...

Anko: -shrugs helplessly- I didn't know the writer would consider it a good idea.

Kakashi: -grumbles-

-Five minutes later-

Anko: We're back from commercial, with Kakashi in a hula skirt!

Kakashi: I think I hate telelvision.

Anko: You and me both.

Kakashi: I have to take off my mask, don't I?

Anko: Probably.

Kakashi: -reaches up and pulls his mask down, sighing heavily, and reaches for a cockroach-

Fangirls: OHMIGOODNESS HE IS SO CUUUUUTE! -they attack him-

Anko: -shrugs as they carry him off- Well, that got him out of eating cockroaches.

**-End show-**

**By the by, guys, I'ma need some questions to be asked for the next chapter. They're for Naruto, Sasuke, and Anko. Please ask some!**

**Next Chapter: SasuNaru, Or Kakashi Gets It Over Facebook!**


End file.
